I'm Ready To Go

Drafting Guys over 60----this is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier-

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshat that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real stretch.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys, too. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

Better yet, How about recruiting Women over 50 ....with PMS !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my Lord!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

This is cute, but I’ll tell you, my peeps, that if I could go I would be there right now. My fingers are nimble from years of operating the remote control, so I wouldn’t have any difficulties pulling a trigger, or pulling a pin. I can still throw a softball from centerfield to home plate. I have a Waffle House Stomach so I can take any MRE’s they throw at me. And I want to go.

I can drive anything on wheels, from a bicycle to an 18 wheeler and have plenty of experience driving in all types of weather. If needed, I can type and file and read and go long hours without sleep so that more combat ready troops can go outside the wire. And if they need to come back, I can go get them. What, do I expect to live forever? Nope!

For you combat veterans out there, I am not in any way trying to make light of the conditions over there or what you have faced our what our guys now are now facing. I’m just saying I would go if they would let me. As it is, with our leader now, I may be fighting on home soil anyway. Hope not, but you never know.

We Noticed

This was attributed to Sherry Hackett, Buddy Hackett's widow as the author, but that cannot be confirmed. It was intended for the September 11 Service Day but has taken hold on the web. Regardless, it is right on the mark and needs to be seen by everyone.

President Obama:

Today I read of your administrations' plan to re-define September 11 as a National Service Day. Sir, it's time we had a talk.........

During your campaign, Americans watched as you made mockery of our tradition of standing and crossing your heart when the Pledge of Allegiance was spoken. You, out of four people on the stage, were the only one not honoring our tradition.

YES, "We noticed."

During one of your many speeches, Americans heard you say that you intended to visit all 57 states. We all know that Islam, not America, has 57 states.

YES, "We noticed."

When President Bush leaned over at Ground Zero and gently placed a flower on the memorial, while you nonchalantly tossed your flower onto the pile without leaning over.

YES, "We noticed."

Every time you apologized to other countries for America 's position on an issue we have wondered why you don't share our pride in this great country. When you have heard foreign leaders berate our country and our beliefs, you have not defended us. In fact, you insulted the British Crown beyond belief.

YES, "We noticed.."

When your pastor of 20 years, "God-damned America " and said that 9/11 was "America's chickens coming home to roost" and you denied having heard recriminations of that nature, we wondered how that could be. You later disassociated yourself from that church and Pastor Wright because it was politically expedient to do so.

YES, "We noticed."

When you announced that you would transform America , we wondered why. With all her faults, America is the greatest country on earth. Sir, KEEP THIS IN MIND, "if not for America and the people who built her, you wouldn't be sitting in the White House now." Prior to your election to the highest office in this Country, you were a senator from Illinois and from what we can glean from the records available, not a very remarkable one.

YES, "We noticed."

All through your campaign and even now, you have surrounded yourself with individuals who are basically unqualified for the positions for which you appointed them. Worse than that, the majority of them are people who, like you, bear no special allegiance, respect, or affection for this country and her traditions.

YES, "We noticed."

You are 9 months into your term and every morning millions of Americans wake up to a new horror heaped on us by you. You seek to saddle working Americans with a health care/insurance reform package that, along with cap and trade, will bankrupt this nation.

YES, "We noticed."

We seek, by protesting, to let our representatives know that we are not in favor of these crippling expenditures and we are labeled "un-American","racist", "mob". We wonder how we are supposed to let you know how frustrated we are. You have attempted to make our protests seem isolated and insignificant. Until your appointment, Americans had the right to speak out.

YES, "We noticed."

On September 11, 2001 there were no Republicans or Democrats, only Americans. And we all grieved together and helped each other in whatever way we could. The attack on 9/11 was carried out because we are Americans.

And YES, "We noticed."

There were many of us who prayed that as a black president you could help unite this nation. In six months you have done more to destroy this nation than the attack on 9/11. You have failed us.

YES, "We noticed."

September 11 is a day of remembrance for all Americans.. You propose to make 9/11 a "National Service Day". While we know that you don't share our reverence for 9/11, we pray that history will report your proposal as what it is...a disgrace.

YES, "We noticed."

You have made a mockery of our Constitution and the office that you hold. You have embarrassed and slighted us in foreign visits and policy.

YES, "We noticed.."

We have noticed all these things. We will deal with you. When Americans come together again, it will be to remove you from office.

Take notice.

Tell It Like It Is About Ft. Hood And The Shooting

There are some awesome writers on my blog roll, (LL and all five of his sites, Nicki Goomba and his compadre’s, Old Blue at Afghan Quest, Sgt. Charlie and Rational Nation to name a few. These patriots post daily entries that tell it like it is and they need to be read world wide.

Today Nicki Goomba post a video from Fox News with Bill O’Reilley concerning the Ft. Hood shooting. I stole it from Nicki for your viewing pleasure.

This is something that you will not hear from the White Pad and Jeraldo or CNN or MSNBC, etc. But it is the truth and needs to be heard. Wake up America and let’s stop this Politically Correct Bullshit.



What do you think?

I'm A Celebrity

I’m a celebrity!

Let me explain!

I picked up the J-Man and Bug (the grand-kiddies) this afternoon for our weekend visit. It was just the three of us and we stopped off at a sports bar for a great order of Buffalo Wings. It is one of J-Man’s favorite eating places because the waitresses are so hot (he’s a 14 year old hard-on) and I like their wings. Honest, it’s the wings that keeps me coming back. I don’t know anything about their breast. Honest! They never cross my mind. It’s the wings…

Anyways, we finished and I paid the bill. The kiddies went to the restroom and when we came back they just swung by the table. So I was getting up to follow them when this beautiful little lady got in from of me and asked if my wife was with me.

My first thoughts were, “I’m sorry, lady, for what ever I did, but you don’t have to tell my wife about it. I’ll settle out of court - in cash - if you will just let me leave without any trouble.” or “Why does she want my wife??? What did I do??? I’ve never seen this lady before in my life.”

Then, in the midst of my panic she said, “I have been following Marni for ages. I recognize the kids from pictures on her blog and I emailed her about a book one time. I don't have a blog; I just lurk.”

Whew! I almost passed out with relief and started to kiss her for not having charges brought against me. Then I thought, “Great! Just fucking great. You get off the hook and jump right back on the damn thing by attacking this lovely little lady.”

I do shit like that all the time, and I don’t know how it happens. Read my post on going to the movies by myself if you don’t believe me. And, so far, I haven’t had to do any time or pay for any abortions or child support. But this could have been the exception - because I do weird shit and have senior moments where I don‘t remember stuff.

Anyways, I told her Marni is my daughter and her eyebrows went up and she grabbed my arm and said, “Are you Coffeypot? Oh my God, I have been reading your blog for a long time.” I was embarrassed that this beautiful, smiling, vitreous, little lady had been reading my blog. Her virgin eyes should not be seeing stuff like I put out. Recon her mom knows? I may be in lockup before the night is over after all.

She then turned to her friend at their table and said she was so excited about meeting a celebrity. That’s when I started laughing.

I called Marni, who was having her hair done, (see)

and let them do the ‘girl meeting girl thingy’ females and some gays are so famous for. In the meantime I gathered up the kids who were chomping at the bits to get outside and jump some bushes because that is what bored kids do.

We talked for a few minutes and made her promise to comment next time she came to Marni’s or my blog. She doesn’t have one because, like many of us who first started this weird world of blogging thought, she wasn’t funny and that no one would want to read her stuff. Silly girl. If she only knew.

Anyway, her food was getting cold and her beer warm so before I left I ask her to let me take her picture. I didn’t ask her if she minded my saying her name (or that I was going to blog about this,) so I will just call her Smiley.

Ain't she purty!

That was one of the nicest and strangest things that has ever happened to me, and it made my night. I’m a celebrity! So y’all start treating me with more respect. And I will send out autographed photos of myself to the highest bidders.

Chao! (that's what us celeb's say when we leave the room.)

Leftover Pets Voting

Peeps, it’s that time of the year again. My step-daughter, Dr. Amber, needs your help again this year. Actually she needs your fingers. No money (unless you have a craving to send some to her,) needed, no personal information needed. Just your fingers.

Since last year I have had some pretty cool people join the Coffeypot team, so I will take a minute to explain what is going on. As you know I make a dog run to NY once or twice a month to deliver 20 to 30 dogs and puppies to no-kill shelters for adoption. This is done through Amber's non-profit organization, Leftover Pets.

Amber is a veterinarian and travels all over North Georgia doing low cost spaying and neutering and minor medical treatments for dogs and cats for the county shelters. She is listed on Pet Finders.com and other pet adoption sites and is one dedicated lady when it comes to animals.

Each year there is a contest where people sign on to the Pet Finders website. The shelter (which Amber also has at her home, which has plenty of room with dog runs, modern cages, etc.) The shelter with the most votes in the state gets some amount of money, and the number on in the country gets bunches of money.

Last year Amber came in 3rd in the state (not bad for a two person operation) out of 11,000, and 81st in the country of thousands of shelters. Much of her success came from my peeps on the blog and I am asking for your help again this year. You can vote once a day until Dec. 20th. Any and all votes will be appreciated more than you will ever know. Much of her business is from donations and contest like this one.

If you are willing to help out go to http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3 and enter the name Leftover Pets in Georgia, city Braselton and enter. Usually all you have to do is put left and the city and state and it will work, too. That will save some keying on your part. Then when her site comes up, just key the VOTE button and it is done.

Thank you for any thing you do.

Jokes later!

Ditto

 
I know it's too early, but this tickled the shit out of me.

School Answering Machine Message

I stole this from my buddy, Daffy, from Batcrap Crazy (http://batcrapcrazy.blogspot.com/) that most of you already visit. But I thought this was so funny that the rest of you needed to see it, too. Those of you who don't visit her, shame on you. She is funny and crazy and daffy and I love her site.

The Economy Is So Bad That...

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

The economy is so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 Ouncer.

The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.

The economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying off judges.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.

Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

A Hunting Accident

A hunter was out one morning when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his shotgun.

A gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and shot him right in the genitals.

Lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor. "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. There was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot".

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister in New York".

The hunter asks. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly" answered the doctor, "She plays the flute. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

2010 Masters Cancelled

2010 Master's Cancelled .....
Winner already announced.....

Guess he earned it just like he did his Nobel Peace Prize!!!!!

Change You Can Believe In and Just Plain Silly

I don't care what political party you belong to, but I ask, can you imagine Barbara or Laura Bush or any other American President and his wife ever appearing in public dressed this Way? He looks like the Chicago Pimp that he really is.


Equally as silly:

War Song

This is OAR, a rock group who sings the awesome WAR SONG.

My friend, Citizen Soldier Sojack at http://sojack.blogspot.com/, is in the Army or Reserves and is being deployed soon. She has this exclusive video posted on her site. Go watch it.

She doesn’t post often, but when she does, it is pretty good stuff. - even though she is an officer.

Let me know what you think, and join the group Open Up Your Arms (http://www.openupyourarms.org/) to support our troops.

One Final Haloweene Story

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding!

Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance. He carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road.

After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!"

Bob brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion."

Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly.

Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace.

He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! .....The Hills are alive, with the sound of music!"